The dissapointment.

Of feeling rejected, misunderstood, hated, and alone. we always feel disappointed with people who do not meet our expectations. People we love, people we consider in our circle. People we chose, over everyone else. People that we made ”our own”. We gave them rights, to us. We gave them access to our feelings. So they had the power to do what they wanted with us, and our feelings. They knew us. We made sure they did. And I am actually going out on a limb here when i say this, but as much as we give them, we really dont care for anything in return, except that they dont judge us. I mean, honestly, i dont even expect them to give me their all just because i’ve given them mine. I think people are different and have different ways to behave over the same feeling, so i wont force my ways on anyone, especially not those i love and those that trust me to make me one of their own.

The only thing i do expect, silly of me, is that while i am my honest and true self with them, that they just, let me be, and not judge me, accept me for me, allow me to be me, allow me to just be. So what happens when you realize that one of your own has so badly misunderstood you, judged you, hated you, and not cannot even begin to believe the truth. It’s too far done. you lose them.

Well, after several silent days, going through circles and circles of conversations with myself, in my own head, i realized, that i can sit and sulk about how disappointed i am – but it’s of the past now, it’s a feeling already felt.. am i someone who will let this unhappy feeling linger on longer than it’s supposed to be around me? stretch it and hold on to it and sulk about it. OR. am i going to go get answers and try to move from here, potentially fix it, or just move on.

We often forget to look ahead and look for solutions. introspect, compromise, take some blames that were really mine, and give some blames that were really theirs, promise to reconcile – recalibrate and only then can you recuperate, make a genuine effort to in the true sense take the next step on the best foot forward..

Talk, Talk it out to find the mutual agreement. make the effort to structure your thoughts in a dialog. not a chat not those long long texts or voice notes. But actual eye to eye conversations. a dialog. in calm considerations. Take your time, heal, and then come back to confront the other, find a solution, help them heal, and then move on.

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